Walking With Witches - Follow up

I thought it would be interesting to write a follow up and share the feedback I got from that story.  So often you enter a competition and never know what the people judging your work thought of it.  I also thought I'd write a little about the story, and how the intent and the feedback aligned.

''Walking with Witches'' by Sarah Matts - 

WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -

"This was action-packed and suspenseful. I also thought the subject matter was very original and well thought out"

What a nice thing to hear! :)  I think that this was a nice boost.  Even though this story didn't make it into the points section, it didn't mean that it was hated.

"Walker is an engaging protagonist. His loyalty to his friend is commendable. Chilling element relating to the "grinding of metal as every suit of armour turned its head and looked at him. " 

Character is so important in a story, I was very pleased to hear that was an element that the judges felt was strong.

.......................................   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ..................

"I felt as though we were crossing time periods and it was a little confusing - you might want to set up the castle a little more, perhaps pointing out its strange presence in modern-day life?"

This feedback really confused me.  It took me a few days to mull out why a castle had a strange presence in modern day life?

Then I realised - this is a cultural misunderstanding!  Living in Europe, castles are a normal and every day occurrence for me.  You drive past them all of the time, and not just ruined ones.  There are plenty of functional castle which are used for residence, business and entertainment.  My idea of the bad guys being in a castle was set up by one I visited in France that had been used as a base of operations in the second world war.

Being in America, there is probably a very fixed concept of castles being a historical thing.  I'm not saying this feedback is "wrong" though - it has probably been the most interesting lesson.  Confusion for people in other countries over things that are normal for me is something I hadn't really thought about.  I suppose I should have clarified that the mission was set in Europe.  Since there was a castle there I assumed that was obvious; I never gave it a thought that someone would imagine it being in America and out of place.  It's something I am going to keep in mind for future tales.   

"I think the story would be more compelling if you started in past tense in the second paragraph. The description of setting and weather isn't as much  of a hook as start with dialogue in a scene. Walker revealed himself as a punster, and I think the ending could be revised to be somethng even more memorable"

Confused on the first part of this feedback, as the second paragraph is in the past tense!

Since I got this feedback, I've seen someone else saying that you should start with dialogue too, as it is punchy-er.  This is something I'm going to try to notice in stories that I read in future.  I may go back to some old favourites too and see how they start, and if I feel hooked or not by those words.  You'll notice in my next short story, I do open with dialogue. :)

For the ending pun, I was definitely trying to avoid "kicked the bucket" as I felt that it was far too obvious and over used.  However I am stuck for coming up with other bucket puns.  Any suggestions?  

Overall that wasn't too bad!  I was inspired by the movies "Commando" (seriously if you haven't seen this, watch it.  It's hilarious!) and the Indiana Jones movies to get the action/adventure mash up, and I think it came fairly close to the style I was going for.  So nil points this round, but I learned some things and had fun, and that's what it's all about!  Tune in next week for the next story....