Walking With Witches - Follow up

I thought it would be interesting to write a follow up and share the feedback I got from that story.  So often you enter a competition and never know what the people judging your work thought of it.  I also thought I'd write a little about the story, and how the intent and the feedback aligned.

''Walking with Witches'' by Sarah Matts - 

WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -

"This was action-packed and suspenseful. I also thought the subject matter was very original and well thought out"

What a nice thing to hear! :)  I think that this was a nice boost.  Even though this story didn't make it into the points section, it didn't mean that it was hated.

"Walker is an engaging protagonist. His loyalty to his friend is commendable. Chilling element relating to the "grinding of metal as every suit of armour turned its head and looked at him. " 

Character is so important in a story, I was very pleased to hear that was an element that the judges felt was strong.

.......................................   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - ..................

"I felt as though we were crossing time periods and it was a little confusing - you might want to set up the castle a little more, perhaps pointing out its strange presence in modern-day life?"

This feedback really confused me.  It took me a few days to mull out why a castle had a strange presence in modern day life?

Then I realised - this is a cultural misunderstanding!  Living in Europe, castles are a normal and every day occurrence for me.  You drive past them all of the time, and not just ruined ones.  There are plenty of functional castle which are used for residence, business and entertainment.  My idea of the bad guys being in a castle was set up by one I visited in France that had been used as a base of operations in the second world war.

Being in America, there is probably a very fixed concept of castles being a historical thing.  I'm not saying this feedback is "wrong" though - it has probably been the most interesting lesson.  Confusion for people in other countries over things that are normal for me is something I hadn't really thought about.  I suppose I should have clarified that the mission was set in Europe.  Since there was a castle there I assumed that was obvious; I never gave it a thought that someone would imagine it being in America and out of place.  It's something I am going to keep in mind for future tales.   

"I think the story would be more compelling if you started in past tense in the second paragraph. The description of setting and weather isn't as much  of a hook as start with dialogue in a scene. Walker revealed himself as a punster, and I think the ending could be revised to be somethng even more memorable"

Confused on the first part of this feedback, as the second paragraph is in the past tense!

Since I got this feedback, I've seen someone else saying that you should start with dialogue too, as it is punchy-er.  This is something I'm going to try to notice in stories that I read in future.  I may go back to some old favourites too and see how they start, and if I feel hooked or not by those words.  You'll notice in my next short story, I do open with dialogue. :)

For the ending pun, I was definitely trying to avoid "kicked the bucket" as I felt that it was far too obvious and over used.  However I am stuck for coming up with other bucket puns.  Any suggestions?  

Overall that wasn't too bad!  I was inspired by the movies "Commando" (seriously if you haven't seen this, watch it.  It's hilarious!) and the Indiana Jones movies to get the action/adventure mash up, and I think it came fairly close to the style I was going for.  So nil points this round, but I learned some things and had fun, and that's what it's all about!  Tune in next week for the next story....

Walking With Witches

Back in September I saw a Flash Fiction Challenge.  The rules were that you would be assigned a genre, location and an item, and you would have 48 hours to write a story of no more than 1000 words.  I signed up!

This is the first story that I wrote for that challenge.

Genre:  Action/Adventure

Location: A Castle

Item: A bucket

Walking With Witches

The Castle loomed above him; a jagged shadow of spires and turrets thrusting into the midnight sky.  The night was warm, and the smell of moss and stagnant water lingered in the air.  His body glistened with sweat, shining over green whorls and stripes, and a bandolier chaffed against his bare chest.  He hadn’t wanted to come out here.  He thought he had left all this behind him.  But he’d had to do it - for John.

“We need you, Walker,” he’d said, pacing the living room.  The sun had been bright that day, but his eyes had been in a faraway place:  A dark place.  This place.

“You know I’m retired,” Walker had replied.  “I want a normal life.  I built this house to raise a family-”

“We both know you miss it,” John had interrupted.  “I’d go myself, but since I took that bullet...” he shook his head, a pained expression flashing across his serious grey eyes.

“I know,” Walker grimaced.  That had been part of the reason he had got out of the game.  But maybe he did miss it.  Just a little.  “So what’s the mission?”

“You’re in, then?”

“Maybe.  If you tell me what’s so important that one of your regular teams can’t go in.”

“Dammit, Walker, you know that’s classified.  I can’t tell you unless you’re on board.”

“I know how to keep a secret, John.”

His old friend sighed and then nodded.

“The enemy has a new weapon.  A staff which belonged to a... witch.  They’ve got an agent learning to use its power.  If we don’t stop her, she’ll become the next witch.”

“You came all the way up here to tell me a joke?  Jesus, John, why don’t you just send Dorothy?”

“I’m serious, Walker.  The Nazis experimented with the occult in the forties; they had some breakthroughs, too.  It was covered up, of course – we couldn’t let that go public.  Trust me; we don’t want her to reach full power.  We need her taken out, and the staff recovered.”

It had taken another three hours to convince him.  Even now he wasn’t sure he believed it, but Walker forced the doubts from his mind and focused on the mission.

“Time to say hello.”

The castle was almost impregnable.  Almost.  A cleverly-concealed grate allowed water to flow out to the moat; one well placed charge would blow a hole clean through the iron.  He checked his watch.  The timer ticked down, and bang on zero, a distant explosion rocked the walls.  At the same moment, he detonated the charge he had set at the grate.

Walker waded through the swampy water.  The courtyard beyond was clear; as he had hoped, the distraction at the main gate had caught the enemy’s attention.  Now all he had to do was find this so-called witch.

He darted from shadow to shadow, searching for a way in, until he found a carelessly unlocked door and ducked inside.

A dining hall stretched before him, lit by a multitude of candles.  Suits of armour lined the walls, and a long wooden table was set with silver.  He scanned the hall; empty.  Or so he thought.

There was a grinding of metal as every suit of armour turned its head and looked at him.  With stiff robotic movements, they stepped down from their pedestals.

Walker raised his rifle, and the staccato thunder of gunfire ripped through the hall.  Bullets pierced metal, ripping holes through the golems.  Still on they came.

The nearest raised its sword, a brutal two-handed steel blade.  The strike came more swiftly than the juddering movements would have suggested.  The commander dived out of the way, and then rolled to block another cut with his rifle.  Sparks flew as the weapons clashed.  Walker quickly barged his shoulder into another of the ghostly knights, sending it barrelling into two of its companions.  He jumped up onto the table and ran, silver and glass tumbling to the floor in his wake, then leapt through the door at the far end of the hall.

“Let’s see how you like modern warfare!” he grabbed a grenade from his belt and threw it back into the hall, then slammed the heavy wooden door closed behind him.  There was a boom, then the clatter of metal hitting stone.

“As I thought.  They just fell to pieces.”

A spiral stair ascended before him.  He leapt up the steps, ready for whatever challenge he might face next.  By the time he had reached the top of the tower and burst out into the night air, he was barely out of breath. 

“Welcome, Commander Walker.”

A woman, who had been surveying the landscape, turned to face him.  Her lips were red, her hair swept up into a neat bun.  Her clothes were black leather, and her voice was tinged with an exotic accent.  In her hand she held a staff of carved wood, atop which a gem glowed coldly.

“I’m sorry that you didn’t like my Knights,” she smiled.  “Perhaps I could entertain you myself!”  She stabbed the staff forward and fire shot out towards him.  Walker rolled, feeling the heat scorch his skin.  He opened fire, but the bullets bounced away, repelled by some unseen force.  The woman laughed.

“It isn’t polite to shoot at a lady!” 

Another blast of fire...

Walker looked around frantically.  There was a bucket sitting by the door, full of water.  He snatched it up and hurled the contents over the witch.

She screamed.

“I’m all wet!”

The gem began to glow.

Walker threw the bucket.

It struck her in the chest and she stumbled backwards.  Her balance gone, she tumbled over the ramparts with another scream.

“I thought she looked a little pail,” Walker muttered, picking up the fallen staff.

He felt its power fade, and the clouds parted to reveal a bright starry sky.  In the distance, the chatter of approaching helicopters whispered on the wind.

He had saved world for the last time – again.

2013 in reflection

Wow it’s been a busy year.  I can’t believe how fast it seemed to go

So many projects!

Way back in March I helped out with a short movie by Ninchilla Films called “The Local”.  It has recently gone up on You Tube, so you can see it online here!

I organised a group to take action to save historic farm and woodland in my home town, which has expanded and is in talks with the council.  The hope is that this time the local community will be involved with the planning and be able to provide feedback for where new housing would be better suited and how it should be brought about.

In the summer I did a bit of travelling, and got to see some amazing historic sites in Greece and Turkey, as well as spending a bit of time in London, Cork and the Midlands.

The Library in Ephesus.

Late summer brought more filming, with the web series “Need to Know.”  (Check it out if you’d like a laugh!)

In autumn I set up an Etsy shop and blog for my jewellery making hobby.  (Includes tutorials, if you would like a go at making things yourself!)

And of course I’ve been working on THE project, my fantasy novel.

How’s it going?  Good.  There have been set backs, including the crisis of the deleting the second half of the book and needing to rewrite it. (On purpose, I decided I wanted it to go in a different direction, but it’s still disheartening to see so many pages vanish!)

It’s at the point now where I think come the spring you’ll start to see actual things about it, rather than reassurances that it’s still in the works.

In the meantime, I entered a short story competition for which I had to write a story within 48 hours based on a genre, location and object that were randomly assigned.  It was good fun, and although I didn’t get past the second round, I did get some points so that’s a plus!  And they give you feedback, so it’s a good learning experience for where I can improve.

I’ll post the stories up over the next couple of weeks for you to read, and you can see for yourselves what you think.

In the new year there will be more updates, stories and hopefully a bit of art coming your way!

So have a good Christmas, and watch this space!

Paperback/Kindle Offer

Looking for a gift for Christmas?

If you buy the paperback version of Eye of the Beholder, you now get the Kindle version for free!

Free Kindle Book!

It's been a year since The Eye of the Beholder came out!

To celebrate, this weekend the Kindle version will be available free for download.  So if you haven't got it yet, now's the time to grab it!

It's been a very busy summer, (and early autumn!) but I promise updates on my other projects are coming soon!

A Reminder

It’s halfway through 2013.  It doesn’t feel like it is, since apparently we skipped spring this year while winter hung around, but finally summer has arrived!

With the days long and (sometimes) sunny, and the plants bursting into bloom, now is a great time to remember what your New Year’s resolution was.

How have you been doing on it?  Made progress?

My resolution was:

“Try not to worry so much.”

How am I doing?  Really badly!  And this is why I need the reminder.

The UK is undergoing a massive land grab by developers.  The plan is to build “affordable” homes for first time buyers and boost the economy.  All its doing is forcing people into shoe box houses, while older houses that they could afford but can’t get the deposit for are left empty for years on the market.  It’s not going to fix the economy, but it will destroy the green spaces that wildlife and people rely on for survival.

My hometown is not going to have any green space left around it at all if this goes ahead.

It has been a huge worry, not only for the environment (which would upset me anyway) but also because on a personal level, they want to bulldoze a beautiful bluebell wood that I played in while I was growing up, and means a lot to me.

This all also got me worrying about the future in general.  I never understood why everyone didn’t want to reach the Star Trek ideal of living in a beautiful place where everyone works to better themselves.  Can you imagine it?  Wide open spaces, fresh clean air, abundant wildlife, free education, spaceships. :)  Sounds nice to me.   

On the positive side of things, the community has come together and now are working to try and find a better solution to try and get the houses built on brownfield land and save the greenfield.

So after the tricky month of May, it’s time for a reset.

Six months left to fulfil that resolution. :)  Good luck!